Given the recent, but what seems to be a relentless and continuous, political upheaval from Ukraine to Gaza, it’s really hard to avoid talking about war.  Especially if you have kids they will inevitably see a TV commercial, or a social media post on your phone casually and question the brutal images.  But it is such a complicated topic, even for my 12-year-old to grasp.  So how can we attempt to introduce them to the concept without overwhelming them or giving them a sense of fatalism that often comes with such topics?  Here are a couple of tips I found helpful to talk to my kids about this – but of course this will vary between children and their mental capacity and emotional comprehension, so take it as a guideline that might be helpful.

• Be age-appropriate a 4-year-old does not have the same thought capacity as a 12-year-old, and any two kids of the same age but be different as well so cater your message based on the ability to comprehend such a complex issue.  The simpler it is the less complexity you need to introduce, it can range from “when two groups of people don’t get along and they hurt each other on purpose” to the history and context that led to such war including religion or ethnicity.
• Inevitably there will be a questioning of justice and fairness that is inherent in children’s minds.  This is where you introduce that fairness is a privilege and in many cases, we are lucky to advocate for others who are treated badly (this will trigger a sense of advocacy in them).
• Look for kids’ books or cartoons on wars and refugees, even if they are not directly related to the war in question.  The visual aspect is powerful and can convey the message much more thoughtfully.
• Have them talk to family, friends, or relatives who have lived through war to explain the impacts.  Depending on age (the younger they are the less it is about sides and more about the pain of war, the older they are the more you can discuss sides, history, and context to see who is oppressed and who is the oppressor if there is that clarity).
• Very importantly explain how to filter out news sources and social media deep fake forwards that could be used for misinformation and to emotionally charge.  This is a life skill that needs to be taught to kids early (unfortunately).
• Tune out once in a while and take a break, heavy conversations can be overwhelming.  Tell the child that you will discuss the issue after lunch or after an outing.  This will also give them time to absorb and come up with questions that they did not think of earlier.
• Explain that people have different points of view, and schools (at a younger age) are not the best place to discuss war.  Rather talk to a teacher if they must or wait for home dinners to talk about it.  For older kids this could be the opposite – my 12-year-old is already attending protests, so this is a school-sanctioned event that could trigger further discussion.

War is never an easy topic, but in our world, it is an inevitable part of life.  They will be touched by it at different phases of their lives and the key is not to ignore it but rather package the information at an age-appropriate level.  This will also encourage communications generally, and a sense of context, history, empathy and gratefulness for their lifestyle as kids and later in life.