Until recently my aging parents’ large single detached home seemed like a prime location to store my life history, my knick-knacks, and my clothes that I will eventually fit in one day.  Best of all this was all free storage space.  Along with being my go-to warehouse, that house was the holder of many of my parents’ memories and souvenirs – it was truly a home of memories.  But like all good things, this too had to come to an end.  My stepdad begin to trip and fall down the stairs, to the point of the ground floor becoming his bedroom and he no longer would go upstairs.  The snow shoveling and lawn mowing became my responsibilities, which was not ideal given I had a (much smaller) lawn and driveway to shovel in winter of my own.  Of course, the utility bills didn’t help for a house that big nor did the cleaning of such a large space that they don’t use anymore. 

They’ve cut down on hosting friends and BBQs and so much of the house became underused.  It was time to downsize, of course, this had to come from them, no amount of convincing would work unless it was their idea, and sure enough, the time came for them to do just that.  I helped with the house hunting but generally speaking, I was at arm’s length for fear of later being blamed for the smaller space that they would need to get used to.  But I certainly was the go-to for the actual move and packing as well as the administrative things like changing the property tax account and so on.  Here are a few things to think about when you’re helping your parents downsize, it’s by no means an exhaustive list:

• Filtering down the mountains of collected things is no easy task, especially if you’re already in a vulnerable state of mind thinking about the latter part of your life.  Make sure you are kind and sensitive that what could be an easy decision for you, for what is usually a very trivial item, may not be the case for your parents.  It’s usually because of the stories and memories that come with the item.  Due to timing, I could not hear all the stories that would get told as a sidetrack when I was clearly trying to filter out and pack up as much as I could.  But once in a while, I would sit and listen to one of those stories (which was never a regret) and maybe crack a joke or two.  This simple acknowledgment will do wonders in making them focus on the larger task at hand, giving them a break, and hearing them out in this difficult time.
• Delegate and outsource as much as you can.  If money is an issue make sure you rope in neighbours, friends, and other family members for smaller tasks, which together could add up and overwhelm your parents or you during this process. From cooking duty on moving day to assigning someone to talk to the movers, to getting outside cleaners to liquidate the house.  Delegate to your younger members to post things for sale on social media for you or take pix of the furniture for sale.
• Always follow the “Keep, Throw, Recycle, Donate, and Sell” piles or categories for all the items.  Make sure you keep only those few precious things, and if it starts to be a lot make another pile of “To Figure Out Later”.  Throw broken or outdated things, recycle things that you’re throwing but are able to take to your recycling centre, and donate what you can but only after you try selling what you can.  If you are thinking about self-storage options – try to avoid it like the plague.  This will be an added cost and what goes in is likely never to come out or see the light of day anyway.  Also make sure to give family members and friends, especially those helping with other duties (see above point) first dibs on things you want to donate or couldn’t sell for a worthwhile price.
• Make sure you list out all the bills and accounts that need to either be cancelled or moved to the new address.  This is a valuable list and check off things as early as you can.  Once you move you will be busy enough with plenty of other things.
• Any plans or schedules you do, always leave a time buffer.  This applies from cancelling and moving accounts to selling stuff.  Always keep an extra week in case things don’t work out the way you planned (which they usually don’t).
• During the process, which can get tedious and exhausting, make time for coffee breaks and small talk during the time outs.  This is important for your mental health and you have to realize your parents do not have the constant stamina that you do.  They are also likely 10 times more overwhelmed than you are, this is your chance to ground them back and realize why you’re doing this for them in the first place.
• Remind them as to why they are moving, occasionally they will have bouts of regret, make a list of reasons handy and talk them out from money saving to avoiding stairs (safety), to less housework.

Whatever you do, this will be no easy task.  There are also estate sales and auctions that can help you minimize work, but then you could have more on your plate with contractors and painters.  So make sure you are organized, give yourself plenty of time, and most importantly be sensitive to your parents given that they are moving to a new but anxious time of their lives, while filtering out many of their memories in the process. I did learn through this experience to minimize and clean out my house occasionally, given that whatever I hoard or collect now is unlikely to win me any fans from the younger generation if I leave them to deal with all the stuff later on.